Calling on the Lord: Days 5-17

Yep, I really did just write that. Days 5-17. Whatever. It's kind of like my daughter's counting pattern these days-3, 6, 8. Yes I want to be more consistent. So I will keep working at it. There's this beautiful thing I read the other day from Shauna Niequist, read it at just the right time:

There were moments during that rocky, too-fast October when I hurled insults at myself—you always do this! You really can’t change!

But then I apologized to myself, because nothing of beauty gets built through shame, and began again, began again. It’s all you can do, right? Begin again, begin again, begin again.

And one thing I’m learning over and over: you cannot do big-soul-rearranging alone. This is heavy lifting, and a spotter or twelve is required. When I have made progress, it’s been because I’ve asked for help from Aaron or my family or our small group or the Cooking Club. 

Isn't that ever true, soul work is made alongside others. Thank you reader or if there's more than one ha, thank you for being here in these "laying the foundation of becoming a writer" days. Last year I decided if I wanted to be a writer I better start calling myself one. Then I took a class. And this year, this year I cowered from this dream and yet at the same time never felt surer this is where the Lord is leading me. Oh Lord, forgive me. Pray courage over me.

In the last 12 days I've realized some things. I've been angry at God. I let that distance me from Him for awhile. And when I decided to come closer to Him, I didn't know what to do with that anger. So that's just how I came to him. And unlike man, He didn't push back, He didn't leave. He heard me.

I also realized I talk/sing God's ear off. I'm ready to say so much to Him and think that through all my noise we'll connect. The silence, oh the silence, scared me. But there's where he's been weaving peace. Peace that surpasses all understanding.

I have much more to say. And loads more I'd like to hear from Him. So I'm going to keep calling and praying He answers.

In faith,
Rachel

"But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen." Matthew 6