Written on our Hearts

I don't mean to keep writing this much, but you keep drawing me to it. Drawing things out my heart that I'd rather have stay in there neat & tidy, as messy as they may be.

I don't even know what you've have me say Lord. I don't even know.

Do you want me to tell them about how to handle discouragement knocking at our doors? Because I don't know how to defeat that yet. We're in the midst.

Or do you want me to share how you've opened my eyes to how I've mis-valued the gift of brothers, of friends in Christ, the boy type. Because that post really scares me to write.

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I began the first part of this post a few weeks ago. I was full of fear and I didn't publish this post. It felt like a prayer and a podium. I didn't want the accountability that I should probably write these posts this year.

And there's other {hard} topics I feel him knocking on the door of my heart to release, such as:

Posts about not really having this marriage thing figured out. How marriage felt like a disappointment in the beginning and how we're just beginning to see the glory & wonder in it. Five years in & learning to walk.

How motherhood {not the baby} also began with a sense of failure and frustration. How marriage drifted. How God sustains.

The post about Grace upon grace when you have secret sins. About losing heart and finding your way back.

The honest posts I looked for as a new bride... the struggles & beauty of a life married to a youth pastor, now para-church ministry guy. What to do when you love the man, but don't share the same call for ministry.

These are the posts that could really peel back a layer, expose the raw core and maybe even bring some tears. They're the ones easy to not write. And then I read one of my favorite gals Sarah Mae and she went there to the place of boldness. She's preparing to expose the behind-the-scenes beat of a heart less than perfect in marriage. Which is honestly where we are all at, right?

I'm standing with Sarah Mae's courage this year and will be writing some posts about a marriage shining His glory, about this gift {and that's what it is} of sharing life with Nate. Hope y'all receive our stories with grace and find your voice stronger to share the posts already written on your heart.

In faith,
Rachel

p.s.  I had already decided I do not want to do the One Word challenge, but I'm sharing in the pursuit of loving our husbands well and making it real.